Profound, underestimated depth of feelings

Something from the Wattpad archives  

Tuesday 11th September 2018:

As I was driving home today my mind was wondering, it was a day full of deep inhales and heavy sighs. A felt anger and frustration to the point of wanting to hit myself and cry and quit. I just had an emotion that can only be described as wanting to quit. Like how hygge means more than just coziness, this feeling of wanting to quit was deeper than just a straightforward desire to quit my job or my current task or whatever.

So after feeling heavy with this feeling all day. I was trying to reflect on my way home. I know I need to do some soul searching and I wanted to ask myself a question to make me think deeper but I didn't have a question that was "deep" enough. And so in the end I just thought to myself: Say something honest. Be honest with myself. Just say that one thing I don't admit to myself normally. And so...

I have many flaws. I'm lazy, I say it's my dyslexia but sometimes I'm just a bit lazy. I try to be selfless but sometimes I still judge people. I say I'm not perfect and that I learn best from my mistakes. I say I fucked up and that my fuck ups are the making of me. I say that I accept my flaws but the truth of it is... I don't. I don't accept my flaws.

And that I need to work on.