A Profile On Me

Hello, I'm Lily, affectionately known as Lilian. I started this blog originally when I was at university, a chapter in my life that was large, exciting and clouded with darkness. University was a particularly tough time in my life, I struggled with my course, and I struggled with my choices, doubted my decisions, I struggled with feelings of regret and rebellious urges boiled up in me. In my confusion, anger and depression I turned to a few bad coping skills and rediscovered some good ones, including writing... albeit it was as a form of procrastination from essays sometimes. But in doing so I realised my passion of creating and connecting with the world though my words, my thoughts, and my content. 

Over the years this has evolved and I now also enjoy exploring photography and videography also. I used to love photography when I was young, but I never considered myself good, just a little bit aware of the concepts of foreground and background and such in order to capture clear images. In the last few years I have rekindled my love for photography and it grew into videography. It is more than likely that you the reader, have come from my instagram, where you will have already seen some of my attempts at photography and be aware of my interest in YouTube/videography. So welcome, to the other side of me. A side I try to express in instagram captions and instagram stories, but often cannot convey well in a few words, here I will look into some of those thoughts and complex feelings of mine in more detail, or perhaps more chaos....

As time goes by, age grows and so does my personality. I am still young, though I feel the impending doom of society's norms and constructs that make me believe that once you hit 30 the clock starts ticking.... And yet at 27 I still have a lot of choices ahead of me. And so once again I’m at that stage of my life where I am thinking about my future, and yet I find it so hard to see clearly. 

What I mean is, my head is very clear, I know what is best for me and what I what to do. But I haven’t yet come to a full conclusion as to what my heart wants. I think I know, but it’s like trying to decipher the true translation of the Latin phrase ‘divide et impera’…is it divide and rule or divide and conquer or divide in order to conquer? I know the basics but I don’t know the exacts, if you understand what I mean.



I'm naturally shy at first but underneath is a torrent of emotions and thoughts. I endeavour to try to understand everyone's point of view, and even when someone is telling me a horrible situation in the background of my mind I am thinking "I wonder why they did something so cruel" and I'm trying to see the other person's perspective. It's not that I disbelieve my friend's emotions and viewpoint, but in life we all act a certain way for certain reasons, and I am fascinated by that. I want to help people see all the different points of view and find a way to learn and grow from each negative (and positive) experience. Though I realise that sometimes we will never know some people's reasonings; the only things we can control is how we react and how we grow from it, from our point of view
 
I suppose I'll put a few basic things in just here about me, so you can see if I have any interesting attributes or hobbies that I thought might help narrow me down a little:

• Music plays a big part to my life; I cannot get through the day without listening to my iTunes, my Youtube playlists, my CDs, my radio or my music player on my phone. I love nearly all music, I mostly grew up on rock though. I like good old classic rock like AC/DC, Guns N Roses, Motley Crue, Def Leppard, Aerosmith, INXS, Black Sabbath. And new rock bands like Steel Panther, Airbourne, HIM (my favourite band growing up). And then I mix things up with my taste of classical, 1940/50's beauties, Enya, Mozart, Ludovico Einaudi and so on. These days you will often find me listening to lofi remixes of vintage classics, or various different countries modern remixes of traditional folk songs (like modern remake of traditional Swedish or Mongolian music), or I'll be listening to modern classical piano which has a epic movie twist to it, or something really heavy like a dubstep/rock/hiphop remix.... Or just simply listening to the radio.
• I'm exactly the same with films really. I won't go too far into detail with films other than Tim Burton is a genius that I'd love to meet, and I prefer action and drama films to chic flicks and romance films, but I love them too. I love geeky TV shows too, and anime and Kdramas and things like Outlander etc.
• I love cats. Yep that's right, I'm a crazy cat lady! But of course I love dogs and all other fluffy creatures. In fact I endeavour to be kind to all animals even if they're not kind to me (I'm talking to you wasps)
• I don't talk too much, but I do like to talk. I find I have a lot of stuff to say about matters that are close to my heart, which is why I like to write blogs, poetry, songs, and I even enjoy essays...  Well sometimes, only if the subject of the essay is something close to my heart.
• I take pride in my appearance, and I like to dress properly, like a modern lady, with some elegance. Hahaha, well I used to... These days I simply dress to my mood and comfort. So you will often find me in a dress, wearing boots, probably it's all in black, and it's either got a girly vibe to it, a modern twist on the 90s vibe to it, or a hint of tech wear to it (or is that just because I live in the colour black?)
• I love candles and nice smells, so I love hot baths in candle light with the oil burner going. My little home will always smell of some kind of incense or oil discusser or flowers. It's stable and I no longer notice it, but other people notice it. My little home is like a little witchy boutique sometimes 
• I'm not fussed about the whole nights out scene to be honest, I prefer more sociable events, where you can hear people proper and see them sober, so you can get to know them better. So expect me to get more excited about a quiet sit down in a pub or drinks round someones house than some big fancy event where there's lots of music and everyone's obsessed with how they look and feels a need to wear heels that destroy their feet. However, I do like to dress up from time to time too, don't get me wrong, but it would be more for a sit down event, as my and heels don't get on very well.

I swear this isn't intended as a dating profile... Despite the fact that I baring my personality on paper to the world as if I'm advertising my soul for rent. Hahaha. I am however single haha.