Vulnerable

21st August 2020:

When the world around me feels a little bit darker,
I often turn inward to joyous memories,
Etched in my heart with permanent marker,
A fantasy world in my mind filled with stories.

I'm shouting out words from the heart,
But are the words I'm saying being heard?
Am I better off living in the imaginary part;
Inside my head where reality and fantasy are blurred?

But what if the world around me is fine;
And the world within me is damaged?
Where then do I draw the line;
Between what I should ignore and what I can manage?

If the answer is not obvious to my eye,
I turn further inwards to find meaning in who I am,
Hoping that I'll learn and transform and defy,
Hoping that I'll grow into someone who doesn't give a damn

But the journey there is often gruelling;
It's painfully truthful, and honestly revealing,
It consequently buries deeper and keeps fuelling;
Further exploration of hidden meaning and innate feeling.

The further down the rabbit hole I venture;
The further into the world of the unknown and suppressed,
The more exposed I become to the reality of misadventure,
Realising how many fleeting undesirable thoughts I never addressed.

Opening up to my darkest emotions,
Admitting to my most undisclosed faults,
Venturing deep into the dark oceans,
Falling in on myself until all feeling withdraws.

An end result of either numbness or clarity 
But always a journey of extreme vulnerability,
A soul-searching experience triggered by disparity, 
But one that always ends in strength, wisdom and tranquillity.