Honestly...

The way my course is going, I may as well quit. I can't seem to do anything right, and I keep making the same mistakes even though I focus my efforts onto not writing in that way in my next essays! But these last two essays that I just received my feedback for, were the first two I did completely on my own and are my worst two results ever!!! I can't seem to even get through the first year of  uni (the one that's meant to be the easiest) without having my Dad's help. I can't keep relying on someone else to make me seem like I'm achieving.

THIS is my definition of failure. When I can't do something that I'm meant to be good at on my own; now that's when I realise that I've let myself down, I've disappointed myself. I'm a failure.
Am I honestly going to live the rest of my life like this? Am I going to have to rely on other people's intelligence to 'blag' my own? Why can't I just be good at something on my own for once? Why can't I actually have a talent, achieve, succeed, and be me?

I just don't feel as if I have anything magically and specific about me, like I have no excelling talent of my own. I'm too average, too bland, too plain... And I hate it. I don't have a seedling of talent that needs nurturing; there's nothing to make me special.

All I have is my crazy, delirious, obsessive dreams of a different life; the real world  is lost to me here and I'm free to be the achievement I want to be. But alas, reality is real, not my dreams, I cannot live on my talent to daydream, not in this real world. And so I'll continue to be a plain, average Jane for as long as my life continues to go on as it is.